sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
