It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
