I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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