I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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