There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
two words...techno handjob
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
did you just send me my own nude
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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