"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
i think im in europe. pls send help
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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