dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
