my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
