I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
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