please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
