Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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