its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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