At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
