Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
