Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
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I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
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Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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