real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
