You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
