im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You're like the curious george of whores
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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