I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
