Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
