You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
