He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
