Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
