thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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