Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
