Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.