you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.