Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext