Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day