The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
she looked like the before picture.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
We need to get me chipped asap