I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.