if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
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I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
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Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.