i was rollin on her like bob the builder
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
not ubering you a puppy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
