yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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