He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
