We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
