we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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