So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
