Umm I'm too high to move.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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