I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
