I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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