the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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