Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
