I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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