Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
