Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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