We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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