In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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