Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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