I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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