you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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