Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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