If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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