I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
