My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
