My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
