So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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