3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
