i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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