It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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