My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
