I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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