You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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