So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
