Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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