I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
