Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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