did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
