It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
