i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
