hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
