I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Four minutes until I can fart!
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
