garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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