he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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