we have officially lost it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
