Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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