last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
