She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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