i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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