I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
