guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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