When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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