Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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