never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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