He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize