I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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