i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
