You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
